October is Miscarriage Awareness Month

Some of you know this- I had the miracle of a lifetime in March 2025 – I conceived for the first time ever at the age of 40.

I’ve reversed my PCOS symptoms and finally found my husband (married at age 39). I started to think that the possibility of motherhood was possible. Something I had cried about for many years – as I poured my love into caring for other women’s babies and young children.

A couple years before meeting my husband, I surrendered the longing for biological motherhood to God and worked on embracing spiritual motherhood. I view all my clients as my spiritual children and pray for you all each day. I’m also blessed to be the godmother to my two young nephews.

Miscarriage was the deepest grief and heartbreak I think I’ve ever experienced.

I found out on ultrasound that our baby had passed. I had been supplementing and monitoring my progesterone levels… so after discontinuing the progesterone, the miscarriage process began about 10 days later. . I started having contractions June 1, Sunday early afternoon and went into labor. It was a very physically painful process but uncomplicated and I was able to save our baby’s remains.

It was amazing to see our tiny child within the unbroken amniotic sac.

The next day, my husband read Psalm 139 and told me how it struck him in a deeper way, after seeing our daughter’s tiny body. God had this child’s days numbered (like He does for all of us).

“You formed my inmost being; You knit me in my mother’s womb. I praise You, because I am wonderfully made; wonderful are Your works! My very self You know. My bones are not hidden from You, When I was being made in secret, fashioned in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw me unformed; in Your book all are written down; my days were shaped, before one came to be”. Psalm 139:13-16

Psalm 30:5

This experience has been particularly painful, as I waited so many years for this child. It’s been humbling because this is “what I do for a living.”… I was doing all the right things – even progesterone – but I truly think it must have been a genetic issue. It goes to show that God is ultimately in control.. He permits earthly death so we can have everlasting life.

I was going to pursue genetic testing on her remains but that required sending all the remains in the mail. I preferred to have a burial service for her. We named her Zelie Josephine, after St Zelie Martin (who lost 5 children) and St Joseph (I found out I was pregnant on his feast day March 19).

I was blessed to have the support of women who’ve been through this.. I was guided in how to identify and save the baby’s remains. I write more about dignified miscarriage in my blog post.

I’m praying I can use this experience to better serve my clients.

There’s a 5-20% chance of conceiving each cycle (less for women with unmanaged PCOS) – and if we conceive, there’s a 25% chance of our baby dying in the first trimester. Life is incredibly precious. Let’s be grateful for the gift of our lives and those of our children – on this side of earth or not.

Jesus came to give us everlasting life. “I came so that they might have life and have it more abundantly” John 10:10. We always have a reason for Hope.